About wordsfromawallflower

I'm a self proclaimed: -Wallflower -Animal Lover -Weight Watcher -Food Enthusiast -Conspiracy Theorist -Lover of bad Pop music -Geek (Sciiii-Fiiiiii!) -Fan of all things paranormal (except for the REALLY scary stuff that makes me too creeped out to even blink) (oh, and I major <3 Ghost Adventures) -Awesome Auntie (why yes, I AM "Auntie Em") -Hater of habitual liars -Book reader...not as much as I'd like to be -Artist & photographer -Super stupendous wife

Life Changing

I’m on the edge of a precipice, waiting for my life to change. Again.

My life needs change – I crave change. I rearranged my room more than once a month before I moved out of my parents house because it needed a change. I moved to Overland Park after college because – ready for it? – I wanted a change of scenery. Matt and I moved 3 times in 3 years because we needed change (more space because my sister-in-law was moving in, then we wanted to buy a house because hey, isn’t that what we’re supposed to do?)

My sister-in-law moved out a year ago and this current house is big and empty. We thought about filling it with a baby, but let’s be honest – we can’t afford it. We can’t afford for one of us to stay home nor could we afford day care (OMG, it’s highway robbery!)

SO. That brings us to our upcoming change. I posted back in October that we had talked to my parents about moving in together and making one big household. We’ve been discussing it more (and will be doing even more so over dinner tomorrow) and have concluded that the best option for now would be for Matt and I (and our furry critters) to move into their house, then we’d put ours on the market. Meanwhile, we’d help them fix up theirs, throw money into savings for a down payment, and start looking for our house w/acreage (and outbuildings!). This isn’t like a tomorrow type thing – we’re talking more late summer/fall scenario, but it’s still going to happen. It’ll definitely be an experience for all of us, living in their current house. My dad hates despises loathes change. (How am I his daughter?) So it will REALLY be an experience for him. It’s going to turn the poor man on his head, but I know he’ll survive. We all will.

The other life changing thing I’m craving is a warm plump smooshy little baby! Yes – you heard me right. I have baby fever (thanks in part to my ADORABLE nephew). That is some change I just can’t wait for!

 

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Funkadellic Land of Lost Mojo

I’d like to invite you all in to get a sneak peak of my Funkadellic Land of Lost Mojo. It’s a super funky place that is a big mix of feeling lost in the desert, sunk at the bottom of the ocean, and floating isolated in outer space.

Got it?

Good.

Lost in this Funkadellic land is my creativity (my mojo).

I’m pretty certain what caused me to even take a trip into this horrible, weird place. It all started about 4 weeks ago when my husband was asked to work out of town (just an hour away, but still). At first it was just for a week, then two, three was supposed to be the last…but he’s still there this week. I’ve had him home for a bit on the weekends (last week we had THREE WHOLE DAYS together!) but haven’t seen him other than that. The cell phone has been our best friend.

The first week was kind of fun. I had all of these great, creative things planned out because I was alone and didn’t have to worry about ‘catering’ to someone else!

The reality was that I sat on the couch all night and watched Netflix.

I pondered going upstairs to my craft room to bust out the sewing machine, maybe some rubber stamps and even glitter

…but then I just sat on the couch and watched Netflix.

Week two came around and I could sense that my Mojo was teetering on the verge of disappearing altogether.

When week three showed up – I acknowledged that it was completely gone. I even told a few people that I’d “Lost my Mojo”…they all laughed lightly and assured me that it’d come back.

But now I’m in week four. That is a MONTH of A) not having my husband around all the time and B) being Mojo-less.

I know, I know – this is really just a short bout of depression – I’m aware of this. I’m hoping that when he’s back at home full time, I’ll be 100% again. I am proud of myself, however, for not “turning” to anything during this Funkadellic trip. I’ve been sticking to my Weight Watchers plan and I’ve tried to still get in my exercise every day (though I haven’t ventured outside, after work, since he’s been gone). Even though I feel that cloud hanging over me, I know that it WILL lift soon.

Decisions

Sometimes, it seems like life is just one long decision making session.

What do I want to wear today? What station has the cheapest gas? What do I need at the grocery store? Should I go with the higher or lower deductible?

Sometimes making decisions gets really tiring. Sometimes the decisions made make people happy or sad. Sometimes they can be life changing.

My husband and I have been making some uber huge big decisions over the past few months. One I’ve mentioned previously: having a baby (and when). The other is a decision that came to fruition out of a promise I made when I was a little girl.

I’m an only child and with that, I know that I have an obligation to my parents – there is only me – there is no one else to be there for them. And that is okay. I’m okay with it being only me. It’s only EVER been only me. Coming to that realization when I was a child, I made them a promise that I would care for them when they were older.

Wanting to fulfill and keep that promise, my husband, my parents, and myself have made the decision to live together. This is not a decision that comes lightly – it’s not something we’ve jumped into blindly. This is a commitment. It’s not a short term proposition, this is a forever kind of thing. I realize this is NOT for everyone! We’re not rushing into anything – in fact, Matt & I have to wait until next June/July to even put our house up for sale because we participated in the Homebuyer’s Tax Credit, so we have to wait until our 3 years are up.

My key points in all of us living together go something like this (in no particular order):

  • We would all save money by sharing the cost of everything – it’s expensive to live ‘on your own’ and if you can share the ‘burden’ with someone else, it really does help
  • Ideally, we would like either Matt or myself to stay home (at least part time) when we have a kid(s) because I’ve seen the benefits of that not only in the child but in the parent as well – we can’t do that in our current house
  • I want my parents to be able to retire at retirement age instead of working til they’re 70 or beyond
  • I want to establish a Homestead – one that our children will have the option of continuing on when they grow older
  • We want a place where not only my parents can retire, but where Matt and I can retire as well – yes, we’re thinking long term
  • We want to live in the country, no close neighbors, with room for the dogs to run :o)

Only a VERY small, minute handful of people know about this big decision of ours and that’s all the further it’s going as of right now. When we actually start the process of putting our houses up for sale and looking for a new place…then we’ll spread the word. I know I shouldn’t really care how people react to our choice, but deep down inside I can’t stop from caring. The people I’m scared the most about telling are my in-laws…I hate being judged and (Lord, forgive me) oh my heavens does my MIL judge. !!&%*$&! I can just hear it all now…everything she’ll say, so I’m trying to block it out until the time comes. The parties involved are all ecstatic about this decision and that’s all that matters!

 

 

Where do I go from here?

I officially reached my goal weight yesterday at my at-work Weight Watchers meeting. This means I am now in Maintenance for 6 weeks. ooooh…ahhhh! It boils down to this: strike a good daily Points Plus balance that has me neither gaining nor losing more than 2 lbs either way of my goal weight.

I know it’s not rocket science but today it FEELS like it. It’s a HUGE Mind F. OMG. I’m having to eat more, just so I can stop losing. OMG. I’ve been losing for 3 years now! And as of yesterday, I can’t do that anymore. Is this what it feels like to have to eat more to gain ‘healthy’ weight when you’re pregnant?! OMG. I swear I might need to go to a psychologist when I get pregnant…I’ve been watching what I eat for 3 years and I’ve lost 120 lbs – yes, that’s One Hundred and Twenty Pounds. And then I’m supposed to gain 20-30? OMG. I know I’m being a total drama queen, I know that gaining weight during a pregancy is necessary for the health of the baby…I know that.

Which is why I’m at least giving myself 6 months between becoming a Lifetime WW member and trying to conceive. (Hi, now you know our plans dear world!) My husband and I have already had this discussion many times and he’s okay with it. I want to get into the routine of maintaining to know that I can do it, before I have to start gaining (in a healthy way)! I just need to trust the Weight Watchers ‘maintenance’ and ‘lifetime’ process. I know I’ll never stop tracking, I can’t, it’s in my blood now. I’m sure I’ll even track when I’m pregnant – maybe not Points Plus wise, but just generally writing down what I’m eating. If I get out of the habit for 9 months, I know it’ll be that much harder to get back into it.

Pumpkin Pie Season

I LOVE pumpkin pie. I love Autumn, I love leaves changing colors, I love cooler weather, I love hot chocolate, but I. LOVE. Pumpkin pie. With the burning passion of a thousand suns. If I could find pumpkin pie lip gloss, you know I’d wear it year round. OMGsogood.

And so I bring you a yummy, easy recipe if you, like me, need a pumpkin pie fix but don’t want to sacrifice the calories for the real deal.

Pumpkin Pie Smoothie
Serves 1

8 oz. Skim Milk or Almond Milk
1 or 2 scoops of chocolate (or vanilla) protein powder
OR
1 packet Weight Watchers Chocolate Smoothie mix
2 Tablespoons canned pumpkin
2 Tablespoons plain oatmeal
Few dashes of Pumpkin Pie spice & Cinnamon
8 oz ice

Blend everything BUT the ice first, then add in the ice and blend until smooth & creamy.

Weight Watchers PP+: 5 ( if using smoothie packet – may increase with other type of protein powder)

Learning to sew

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After years of my mom trying to teach me how to sew, I finally took her up on the offer. She handed down her ‘Made in West Germany’ Singer that she bought new, in Germany, in the 70’s. It still works like a charm!

I took it upon myself to find a somewhat easy pattern for my first REAL piece. I found a Simplicity pattern  at Walmart for a cute dragon dog costume. There was perfect fabric in the remnant bin, yay! It took about 2 hours from start (cutting out the pieces) to  finish (sewing the final hem) and actually looks like the picture on the pattern!

Baby Dream

Our neighbors just brought home their new little baby boy recently. We don’t really know them, we just know that they have a barky dog and now a new baby.

That apparently sparked a “bringing home baby” dream last night. I dreamt that I had a very pudgy little boy and that when my mom told me (that evening) that he might be hungry, I cried. I sobbed that I hadn’t fed him all day. That they sent us home with him but didn’t explain how to care for a baby at all!

Why are my dreams so mean? That poor baby. I hope he shows up again soon just so he can get fed!